05/14/09
5:07 PM
Play him off, keyboard cat. Him too.
05/13/09
12:06 PM
It’s a slow news week. Just some trumped up fallout about Jeneane Garafalo calling those crazy protesting teabaggers racist. Whatever. So instead I bring you a good measure on what the common Internet man (and sometimes woman) thinks of the definition of racism and what it means in our society. Ok, it’s not a good measure at all. It’s full of hate and ignorance. But it sure is fun to laugh at.
Behold the Wikipedia Talk section for “racism”. A lot of it is people trying to sound way too smart. They’re harmless yet still kind of funny to read, but the good/terrible part starts here. This nice little rant even sneaks in a couple of conspiracy theories about the dreaded Teacher’s Union.
At the same time Black kids are being taught Grievance Entitlement thinking in the schools. That mode teaches kids White people are to blame for the troubles of Black people. This is not supported by the facts, but has been put into the curriculum by the Teachers’ Union.
Yikes. But read on. The ignorance just became stifling. Now I love Wikipedia, but it helps to be reminded every once in a while that these are some of the people editing these articles. It’s surprising that they even bothered to bring it to the attention of the other users instead of just defacing the article itself. Oh wait, that’s right. They’re idiots.
05/12/09
3:43 PM
Remember Geocities? And Angelfire? And Tripod? Did you think the days of seizure-inducing personal homepage atrocities were dying with Myspace? Well you’re as wrong as you’ve ever been. Because those halcyon days of embarrassment are still forever declining in the form of Piczo. It’s been around for a little while but luckily I hadn’t heard about it until a couple months ago. This post is for those of you who are still like I was back then. I’m jealous of you and I must share my suffering.
Piczo is nowhere near as massive as Facebook or Twitter but it’s still got thousands and thousands of users. It’s just so baffling how the people that create these pages make it through life. What goes through their heads that tells them it’s acceptable to design this or this? And don’t think that these are just exceptionally bad ones that I searched and searched for. It took me 30 seconds to find both just randomly clicking around. Every goddamn profile page on the site is that bad. There’s just too much to ridicule, it’s overwhelming me. So just click right here and let the sparkling butterflies and Katy Perry songs guide you through Internet purgatory. Feel free to post your best findings in the comments section.
05/11/09
6:23 PM
This is a fairly dated clip, but its poignancy has aged well. I can’t say too much without giving it away, but suffice to say it’s a clip of an atheist talk show that accepts calls from the audience. Most of this particular call goes well, with Matt, the host, patiently explaining his point of view when it comes to faith and justifying a personal belief. Now, you should really watch the entire video, but as eleven minutes is an eternity on the Internet, and you’re probably at work trying not to get caught, you will be forgiven for jumping ahead until the last thirty seconds of the clip. This is where you will find what we in the biz call “the money shot” or “a dazzling display of WTeffinF?!”
While it’s good to see Matt laugh, this is the kind of shit that keeps me awake at night.
05/11/09
5:19 PM
Quite possibly the dumbest/best idea ever hatched was Yahoo! Answers. Every hour thousands of what I can only imagine as rabid hobos naked at a cyber cafe ask hundreds of the most god awful, ill-informed questions and wait for equally naked, rabid hobos across the world to provide an answer. Every now and then we’ll bring you some of the most current and best of these questions and answers as a little reminder of how you should be weeping every night in the shower like I do.
Hit this to read on for 3 reasons you should be planning suicide.
05/09/09
2:45 PM
Just when you thought text messaging was ubiquitous enough to just fucking do without worrying, a site like Flirtexting.com shows up to teach girls (never women) how to set the gender back a few decades. The site reads like the sorority version of those sword infomercials where the rednecks always end up cutting their penis off.
By adding “Flir” to every word imaginable, Deb and Liv, the creators of the site, blog, and of course self-help book, would love to sucker any young girl gullible enough to buy advice common sense should already be taking care of. And of course, knowing America, this shit will be Oprah’s book of the month and on every self-professed 21st century girl’s bookshelf in 5 years. It’s already hit CNN in the form of a colossally flirtarded question and answer session. Here’s a little sample:
CNN: What abbreviations would you need to know in order to flirt over text messages?
Debra: We say, “If you don’t wanna date, abbreviate.” Too many abbreviations is a turn off, so be very careful. If you don’t have to abbreviate, then don’t. For “OK,” you can write the letter “k,” and for “are” you can write the letter “r,”
As you can see, this is can’t miss advice. Cell phone holographic projection can’t get here fast enough. Then the ladies will have to rely on their looks again instead of words, like the Lord Almighty intended.
05/08/09
3:56 PM
I’m always pleased and later turned on when websites post emails and letters from irrational users. And this one from newish yet entertaining blog AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com is no exception. Apparently the site is too awkward for Greg to handle and he’d like them to tone it down a bit and work on the “righting”. I’m going to right into FAIL Blog and suggest they post a few videos of people stumbling. It’s getting a little too exciting over there.
Finally, for some always welcome prudishness, check out what Brak has to say in the comments section of the post. He’s write. I know I’m proud of myself.
05/07/09
5:55 PM
As it often goes every few weeks, there’s a brutal war raging right now on Rotten Tomatoes between hundreds of faceless nerds and one poor critic. This son of a bitch, Armond White (jesus… terrible name) had the balls to post a negative review for the already almost universally loved Star Trek remake, and he’s paying for it. Well not really. He’s a movie critic so he’s already reviled by everyone from kittens to rabbis. And to all of the spittle-drenched nerd’s credit it is a pretty douchey review.
Some great comments from the over 200 post thread:
Stop being a turtle-necked douchebag and actually do a good review in your career! Really, Mission to Mars is a good film?? Mission? To? MARS?
scott g. makes a very good point
your a ******* moron, you know that… why don’t you stick to reviewing kiddy porn you homophobic *******.
And of course the only sane response to a bad movie review:
I hope his entire family dies.
05/06/09
6:05 PM
Not since ‘chillax’ have two words describing the same thing been blended together so gracefully. Crimalien has so many things going for it. It’s topical, it sounds sci-fi-ish, it was just used several times by an ignorant racist asshole, and it’s a common tag for insane conservative website Free Republic. I’m sold.
By the way, don’t watch the two guys commenting on the video before and after. They’re kind of awkward and there’s just no need. Listen to Severin’s rant (starts at 0:36) and form your own opinion. But I’ll guarantee you that it’ll be: “what the fuck you’re the primitive you cock”.
Everyone’s A Scientist
05/07/09
8:00 PM
The democratic system of government excels by allowing differing opinions to compete on a level playing field. The drawback of this evenhandedness is that, apparently, some people never learn to distinguish their opinions from facts. Even worse is that these people are allowed to join forces on the Internet and gain strength, but not intelligence, in numbers. Take this article from Gizmodo, for example. This is what happens when people stop accepting that, for their opinions to be taken seriously, they must be corroborated by evidence. I am not just talking about the backwoods-assed adults in charge of the Texas school system having thrown out objectivity in favor of their personal beliefs. Turn your attention to the comments on the article. As you scan the hundreds of comments and replies, count the number of times it is asserted that all opinions are equal. Count the people that take advantage of the misuse of the word ‘theory’.
An equally idiotic (and harmful) instance of this logic is attested to by the fact that Jenny McCarthy has been granted her own talk show. For those of you not familiar with her work in Playboy and other peer-reviewed journals, she is the latest in a string of scientific illiterates using their celebrity to promote half-baked opinions on medicine as if they were fact. Her specific vendetta is against the vaccination of children, which she has decided causes autism. She bases this on her unquestionable experiences as a mother, and out-of-date arguments about Thimerosal. It seems that all it takes for people to continue thinking their reasoning is based in science is for enough people to agree with them.
To those who would argue “Well, science is always being rewritten, and scientists laugh at new theories so they won’t have to accept them,” I have an exercise for you. Compare this example of new age feel goodery with this proposition that would equally upset the scientific establishment. And hell, while you’re at it, compare this and this.
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