Folks used to say that science and spirituality were at odds with one another, and were bound to stay that way. But those days are long gone, thanks to the Spiritual Science Research Foundation. They’re taking all the smoke and mirrors out of the supernatural, and replacing them with math and science. I’ll admit that, at first, I thought it was a spoof site. I mean, I’ve seen pseudoscientific Christian apologetic websites that claimed to have all the answers before, but none featured the Scientological Lucid Dream level of creepiness of this video. I kept asking myself how exactly they could be so sure of the ‘14 Planes of Existence in the Universe’, or claim with certainty that there are ‘6 Basic Principles of Spiritual Practice’. But the more I focused my chi, or “chakra”, and opened my mind, leaving this whole critical-thinking trip behind, the more possibly plausible it all seemed.

What really convinced me that these people were on to something were the charts and diagrams. They had one about the “Mechanisms of Prayer” that was so true I couldn’t even understand it. And they have percent signs on everything; it’s all very scientific. But it wasn’t until I saw this image that I became a true believer:

That’s when I understood how powerful all this quantifying could be. That single image answers the questions I’ve been struggling with all my life. All those people who die horrible deaths while praying for help? Or those parents who have to bury their children? Probably prayed at too acute or obtuse of an angle. And it solves the mystery of “Why won’t God heal amputees?” At least the poor bastards with missing arms. Or hands. Or fingers.