1. I’m on a Bike

Expensive cameras and a couple of vaguely attractive women can’t save this embarrassment.  Good thing they went with the shitty imitation auto-tuner instead of the real thing.  I was worried the song might start to have some redeemable quality.  Finally, for the most baffling coup de grâce imaginable check out the end starting at 3:13 where they take the scariest one of the bunch and run her backwards in slow motion having a wet and disgusting orgasm.  Jesus.

2. I’m at the Zoo

This is the nerdiest and lowest quality one I could find.  It’s basically just a list of a bunch of things you’d find at a zoo accompanied with Google images of them having sex or just sitting there being extra boring.  Bonus features include the whitest guy alive trying desperately to rap and a tasteful photo of bear shit.

3. We on a Plane

These guys get extra points for not even trying.  Their video is just a single shot of a plane, sung over with only a passing resemblance to the source material.  Lucky for us they write out every single lyric in those stupid YouTube caption bubble things that they should never have come out with.  So we see and hear every “motherfucker” in brilliant clarity.  Thanks, guys.  You’re so good at this.

4. I’m on a Boat – Underground Version

I wasn’t going to include this one until I realized that they actually have a guy in black face and then even made a response video to their own video trying to prove they aren’t racist in a painfully unclever way.  This is the kind of embarrassing shit that allows me to get past my own crippling social awkwardness.  So I guess in the end it all works out.  Well, not really.  After hearing “I’m on a Boat/Horse/Penis/Door Handle/etc” three hundred times in one day, I have to go blow my brains out.

If it gets the Classic tag you know it’s worth watching.  This is from all the way back in the ‘04/’05 era, before women could vote.  It looks like some shit you’d see on public access at 2 a.m., complete with local talent (re: homely girls) and baffling sped up action shots.  It’s amazing how many people think this is the height of cleverness.

It gets extra creepy at 2:10 with the backyard scenes and the Stephen King reference.  There’s just something about Christian rap with Weird Al influences that makes me wanna excommunicate my balls.