05/18/09
4:02 PM
The Internet is home to a great many repositories of knowledge. Among the finest is the HVAC Community Message Board. For those of you unfamiliar with the fancy acronym, it stands for “Heating, Ventilation, and Air Conditioning,” which is an honorable profession practiced by high-school dropouts all over this great nation. We are fortunate to have unrestrained access to this think-tank, so that these proud Americans can enlighten us with one-sided arguments and conservative circle-jerking. Their opinions on President Obama’s speech at Notre Dame are very insightful. And don’t get them started on Science versus God’s Holy Word. Not if you want to live.
Lo, and Jesus spake and saith “Y’all better not take no shit from nobody.”
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05/06/09
3:15 PM
No, of course he isn’t. But that won’t stop every conspiracy theorist/religious nut with dial-up from presenting the fruits of their G.E.D. research paper. Take this fine piece of investigative journalism, for instance. Now, here’s a guy who understands the importance of exclamation marks. At first, I was turned off by the fact that I couldn’t wrap my mind around his mode of reasoning, or even look at the page without my eyes burning. But now I understand the glorious truth, thanks to the rave review from Ray Martinez, of Miramir, Florida, and the bold, underlined promise that I ‘have never seen anything as detailed as this report.’ Truly this man carries the Message of the Lord.
BONUS! While searching for a scary photo of Barack (Hussein!) Obama, I found this sweet-ass decal, which I trust you will have purchased by the time you finish this sentence you still have time oh shit too late.
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