Did you know that you are either evil or stupid or both? Because I’m here to tell ya that those are the only options left if you don’t believe in the genius of Time Cube. Did you know that “SICK TEACHERS ARE PAID TO TEACH YOU EVIL TO ENSLAVE YOU STUPID AND YOU NOW POSSESS AN IDIOT CYCLOPIC MENTALITY” and that “Time Cube proves a 1 face god impossible, due to 4 corner face metamorphic human – baby, child, parent and grandparent faces”? Well get with the program, dummy.
Well, perhaps you’ve heard of Time Cube. You better have, actually. It’s as old as the Internet itself. But you might not have heard about it’s creator and Wisest Human on Earth, Gene Ray. Below is a video showing his awesomeness. Be prepared to have everything he says go right over your big stupid head. And when you dismiss him as an insane meth addict, just remember that “Ignorance of Time Cube is Greatest Evil”.
Surely you’ve heard of the National Organization for Marriage. That’s the hate group with the corporate jargon-sounding name that protects us from scary new ideas like same-sex marriage. They’re famous for their PSAs featuring bigotsand their children that clear up the issues with some much-needed fearmongering. But that’s not the only resource these fuckers host.
The NOM Blog is a place where you, the rabid marriage advocate, can make sure your voice is heard. Who wouldn’t want to be in the company of these Christian soldiers as they discuss the gay agenda at work in the outcome of the Miss America pageant?
Folks used to say that science and spirituality were at odds with one another, and were bound to stay that way. But those days are long gone, thanks to the Spiritual Science Research Foundation. They’re taking all the smoke and mirrors out of the supernatural, and replacing them with math and science. I’ll admit that, at first, I thought it was a spoof site. I mean, I’ve seen pseudoscientific Christian apologetic websites that claimed to have all the answers before, but none featured the Scientological Lucid Dream level of creepiness of this video. I kept asking myself how exactly they could be so sure of the ‘14 Planes of Existence in the Universe’, or claim with certainty that there are ‘6 Basic Principles of Spiritual Practice’. But the more I focused my chi, or “chakra”, and opened my mind, leaving this whole critical-thinking trip behind, the more possibly plausible it all seemed.
The Internet is home to a great many repositories of knowledge. Among the finest is the HVAC Community Message Board. For those of you unfamiliar with the fancy acronym, it stands for “Heating, Ventilation, and Air Conditioning,” which is an honorable profession practiced by high-school dropouts all over this great nation. We are fortunate to have unrestrained access to this think-tank, so that these proud Americans can enlighten us with one-sided arguments and conservative circle-jerking. Their opinions on President Obama’s speech at Notre Dame are very insightful. And don’t get them started on Science versus God’s Holy Word. Not if you want to live.
Lo, and Jesus spake and saith “Y’all better not take no shit from nobody.”
If it gets the Classic tag you know it’s worth watching. This is from all the way back in the ‘04/’05 era, before women could vote. It looks like some shit you’d see on public access at 2 a.m., complete with local talent (re: homely girls) and baffling sped up action shots. It’s amazing how many people think this is the height of cleverness.
It gets extra creepy at 2:10 with the backyard scenes and the Stephen King reference. There’s just something about Christian rap with Weird Al influences that makes me wanna excommunicate my balls.
This is a fairly dated clip, but its poignancy has aged well. I can’t say too much without giving it away, but suffice to say it’s a clip of an atheist talk show that accepts calls from the audience. Most of this particular call goes well, with Matt, the host, patiently explaining his point of view when it comes to faith and justifying a personal belief. Now, you should really watch the entire video, but as eleven minutes is an eternity on the Internet, and you’re probably at work trying not to get caught, you will be forgiven for jumping ahead until the last thirty seconds of the clip. This is where you will find what we in the biz call “the money shot” or “a dazzling display of WTeffinF?!”
While it’s good to see Matt laugh, this is the kind of shit that keeps me awake at night.
The democratic system of government excels by allowing differing opinions to compete on a level playing field. The drawback of this evenhandedness is that, apparently, some people never learn to distinguish their opinions from facts. Even worse is that these people are allowed to join forces on the Internet and gain strength, but not intelligence, in numbers. Take this article from Gizmodo, for example. This is what happens when people stop accepting that, for their opinions to be taken seriously, they must be corroborated by evidence. I am not just talking about the backwoods-assed adults in charge of the Texas school system having thrown out objectivity in favor of their personal beliefs. Turn your attention to the comments on the article. As you scan the hundreds of comments and replies, count the number of times it is asserted that all opinions are equal. Count the people that take advantage of the misuse of the word ‘theory’.
An equally idiotic (and harmful) instance of this logic is attested to by the fact that Jenny McCarthy has been granted her own talk show. For those of you not familiar with her work in Playboy and other peer-reviewed journals, she is the latest in a string of scientific illiterates using their celebrity to promote half-baked opinions on medicine as if they were fact. Her specific vendetta is against the vaccination of children, which she has decided causes autism. She bases this on her unquestionable experiences as a mother, and out-of-date arguments about Thimerosal. It seems that all it takes for people to continue thinking their reasoning is based in science is for enough people to agree with them.
No, of course he isn’t. But that won’t stop every conspiracy theorist/religious nut with dial-up from presenting the fruits of their G.E.D. research paper. Take this fine piece of investigative journalism, for instance. Now, here’s a guy who understands the importance of exclamation marks. At first, I was turned off by the fact that I couldn’t wrap my mind around his mode of reasoning, or even look at the page without my eyes burning. But now I understand the glorious truth, thanks to the rave review from Ray Martinez, of Miramir, Florida, and the bold, underlined promise that I ‘have never seen anything as detailed as this report.’ Truly this man carries the Message of the Lord.
BONUS! While searching for a scary photo of Barack (Hussein!) Obama, I found this sweet-ass decal, which I trust you will have purchased by the time you finish this sentence you still have time oh shit too late.
When It Comes To Marriage,
Exclusivity = Value
05/29/09
2:19 PM
Surely you’ve heard of the National Organization for Marriage. That’s the hate group with the corporate jargon-sounding name that protects us from scary new ideas like same-sex marriage. They’re famous for their PSAs featuring bigots and their children that clear up the issues with some much-needed fearmongering. But that’s not the only resource these fuckers host.
The NOM Blog is a place where you, the rabid marriage advocate, can make sure your voice is heard. Who wouldn’t want to be in the company of these Christian soldiers as they discuss the gay agenda at work in the outcome of the Miss America pageant?
Click for some mind-blowing (but not in a gay way) examples.
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