I’m all about pre-marital online sex.  The more disgusting teenagers virtually groping each other the better.  So you can imagine my outrage when I was linked to this local Atlanta news article explaining the ins and outs of what is essentially sexting.  How dare they blow these poor kid’s cover and give parents everywhere an excuse to go through their phones and chat logs.

Then my outrage quickly turned into glee as I got to number 10 on the list.  And it only got more hilarious from there.  Are you FOL like me?  Well FMLTWIA and try not to be disappointed when you see that I’m Q2C and—oh, shit!  PAW and J/O!  About 80% of these are just ridiculous and made up.  Plus I’m really surprised to see the word “cum” and the phrase “is it tight?” on their site.  And if anyone actually uses these they’ll just make up new ones now.

Some suggestions:

LWGGADA — Let’s Watch Golden Girls And Do Anal

HMOS — Hollow Me Out, Sailor

RUAADBOTI…N — Are You Actually A Dude? Because One Time I… Nevermind

(found thru Fazed)

Just when you thought text messaging was ubiquitous enough to just fucking do without worrying, a site like Flirtexting.com shows up to teach girls (never women) how to set the gender back a few decades.  The site reads like the sorority version of those sword infomercials where the rednecks always end up cutting their penis off.

By adding “Flir” to every word imaginable, Deb and Liv, the creators of the site, blog, and of course self-help book, would love to sucker any young girl gullible enough to buy advice common sense should already be taking care of.  And of course, knowing America, this shit will be Oprah’s book of the month and on every self-professed 21st century girl’s bookshelf in 5 years.  It’s already hit CNN in the form of a colossally flirtarded question and answer session.  Here’s a little sample:

CNN: What abbreviations would you need to know in order to flirt over text messages?

Debra: We say, “If you don’t wanna date, abbreviate.” Too many abbreviations is a turn off, so be very careful. If you don’t have to abbreviate, then don’t. For “OK,” you can write the letter “k,” and for “are” you can write the letter “r,”

As you can see, this is can’t miss advice.  Cell phone holographic projection can’t get here fast enough.  Then the ladies will have to rely on their looks again instead of words, like the Lord Almighty intended.