Surely you’ve heard of the National Organization for Marriage. That’s the hate group with the corporate jargon-sounding name that protects us from scary new ideas like same-sex marriage. They’re famous for their PSAs featuring bigots and their children that clear up the issues with some much-needed fearmongering. But that’s not the only resource these fuckers host.

The NOM Blog is a place where you, the rabid marriage advocate, can make sure your voice is heard. Who wouldn’t want to be in the company of these Christian soldiers as they discuss the gay agenda at work in the outcome of the Miss America pageant?

340. Let’s be clear! A gay man is (( un-godly )), homosexuality is subhuman…It is us who need liberation from their irrational rabid disease, they attack us because they need to corrupt us and spread their irrational disease (just like a virus). They can marry and live together, just don’t attack and diminish our beautiful women that we adore; if they do, there are consequences.

341. One thing is for sure, I will damn that judge hilton, for his rabid attack on Carrie Prejean; and, when he is begging for forgiveness, on Judgement Day, I will do to him what he has done to Carrie. HE IS UNFORGIVEN!!

I’m pretty sure what he’s saying is that, when he gets to Heaven, he’s going to make sure that Perez Hilton goes to hell, forever, because he was unfair to a Miss America contestant.

342. I talk to two lesbian woman, whom are going to marry and they want to have their babies at the same time, so they plan to get pregnant at the same time. Which only proves how ill these people really are.

377. The question that the homosexuals ask quite a bit is if I am not really gay why do I look different? I believe it just may be that when Satan take possession over the minds of humankind, encourages them to part take of Evil, their looks change to accommodate their new found heritage. Maybe that’s the hole idea behind queer eye for the straight guy.

So now you know the minds at work behind Proposition 8. And I think it’s pretty clear that we aren’t really going to have separation of church and state as long as people that are this stupid keep voting based on their religious beliefs. What I find especially telling, though, is that they feel like they should get credit for adhering to God’s demand of heterosexuality. Like gay sex is a constant temptation that they resist so they can go to heaven. That sounds to me like something someone would yell from inside a closet (while possibly wearing a gimp suit).

1. I’m on a Bike

Expensive cameras and a couple of vaguely attractive women can’t save this embarrassment.  Good thing they went with the shitty imitation auto-tuner instead of the real thing.  I was worried the song might start to have some redeemable quality.  Finally, for the most baffling coup de grâce imaginable check out the end starting at 3:13 where they take the scariest one of the bunch and run her backwards in slow motion having a wet and disgusting orgasm.  Jesus.

2. I’m at the Zoo

This is the nerdiest and lowest quality one I could find.  It’s basically just a list of a bunch of things you’d find at a zoo accompanied with Google images of them having sex or just sitting there being extra boring.  Bonus features include the whitest guy alive trying desperately to rap and a tasteful photo of bear shit.

3. We on a Plane

These guys get extra points for not even trying.  Their video is just a single shot of a plane, sung over with only a passing resemblance to the source material.  Lucky for us they write out every single lyric in those stupid YouTube caption bubble things that they should never have come out with.  So we see and hear every “motherfucker” in brilliant clarity.  Thanks, guys.  You’re so good at this.

4. I’m on a Boat – Underground Version

I wasn’t going to include this one until I realized that they actually have a guy in black face and then even made a response video to their own video trying to prove they aren’t racist in a painfully unclever way.  This is the kind of embarrassing shit that allows me to get past my own crippling social awkwardness.  So I guess in the end it all works out.  Well, not really.  After hearing “I’m on a Boat/Horse/Penis/Door Handle/etc” three hundred times in one day, I have to go blow my brains out.

What really convinced me that these people were on to something were the charts and diagrams. They had one about the “Mechanisms of Prayer” that was so true I couldn’t even understand it. And they have percent signs on everything; it’s all very scientific. But it wasn’t until I saw this image that I became a true believer:

That’s when I understood how powerful all this quantifying could be. That single image answers the questions I’ve been struggling with all my life. All those people who die horrible deaths while praying for help? Or those parents who have to bury their children? Probably prayed at too acute or obtuse of an angle. And it solves the mystery of “Why won’t God heal amputees?” At least the poor bastards with missing arms. Or hands. Or fingers.

Old people scare the shit out of me.  And edarem up there is no exception.  This guy invented insanity.  That he looks like Doc Brown on acid only slightly helps his credibility.  edarem was an extremely prolific YouTuber up until a couple weeks ago, when it was discovered that he was a registered sex offender in Florida and South Carolina.  He’s since stopped uploading for what is probably fear of being persecuted or maybe investigated by his local authorities.

But really after all of that, what creeps me out the most about edarem (because to me he seems mostly harmless) is his cult-like following on YouTube, which has only gotten more intense since the discovery.  Look at the comments section of any of his videos or his channel and you’ll see post after post of blind adoration and support.  There are crazies calling for his head, but they’re few and far between.  What is it about a 70 year old guy who posts the most mundane and bizarre ponderings that makes thousands of people go just as batshit as him?

More of the insane:

If it gets the Classic tag you know it’s worth watching.  This is from all the way back in the ‘04/’05 era, before women could vote.  It looks like some shit you’d see on public access at 2 a.m., complete with local talent (re: homely girls) and baffling sped up action shots.  It’s amazing how many people think this is the height of cleverness.

It gets extra creepy at 2:10 with the backyard scenes and the Stephen King reference.  There’s just something about Christian rap with Weird Al influences that makes me wanna excommunicate my balls.

Play him off, keyboard cat.  Him too.

This is a fairly dated clip, but its poignancy has aged well.  I can’t say too much without giving it away, but suffice to say it’s a clip of an atheist talk show that accepts calls from the audience.  Most of this particular call goes well, with Matt, the host, patiently explaining his point of view when it comes to faith and justifying a personal belief. Now, you should really watch the entire video, but as eleven minutes is an eternity on the Internet, and you’re probably at work trying not to get caught, you will be forgiven for jumping ahead until the last thirty seconds of the clip.  This is where you will find what we in the biz call “the money shot” or “a dazzling display of WTeffinF?!”

While it’s good to see Matt laugh, this is the kind of shit that keeps me awake at night.

Being only half a year old still makes this old as shit, but it doesn’t matter because it’s the perfect first post for The Reasonal.  This is what you can expect from us in the future.  Terminally nerdy, confused Jewish teens using YouTube to complain about the obviously important things in life: The Atrocities of Steven Spielberg. But this is no slight to you, Daxflame. I appreciate what you do. Your videos bring my cynical heart joy from the sheer insanity of it all. Even if they might be fake as way too many people have debated.

Sadly, Daxflame hasn’t vlogged in several months.  Unless he’s changed his awesome pseudonym into something even more awesome and I haven’t been able to find it.  But this hasn’t deterred the thousands of eloquent YouTubers who still subscribe to his videos (myself included) and feel the need to call him a “dubass” and tell him “ur gay”.

Oh yeh.  The thing that makes this particular video is the very last two seconds.  Thanks, friend.  I was afraid I had done something wrong until you said that.